Am I knowing myself better or Am I doubting myself?
I got the job that I was aspiring for & all the brag about being the man of vision, dreaming big of aspiring career and "follow your heart & money will follow" seems to fade away as reality gives a chilling touch to my bare warm feet.
Now, I am feeling I am not cut out for it and all the aspiration to be "this" seems to lose hold on me. I am not sure if this is a dip with every change or something worse. Does any winner have his doubts or is he so busy trying, that he doesn't look at these obstacles ?
I am tempted to get back to more comfortable waters where my word holds meaning, where I lead with confidence and experience. Here I look for spaces among conversations to open my point but before I sum up the words, the conversation is over, conclusion drawn and I am left with own thoughts and words useless in a matter of seconds. I feel embarrassed inside out for having added nothing but a silent nod to the table. Does this how everybody starts or am I the ugly duckling who is soon to be shot down? I don't know & I can't guess.
Let me take a step back and get back at it. Let me take a shot at it every morning with where I went wrong the evening before till I am not allowed to. Let me accept every meeting with the anxiety of adding value to it till I am not invited anymore. Let me try until I am proved not worthy. Let me know myself better.
Now, I am feeling I am not cut out for it and all the aspiration to be "this" seems to lose hold on me. I am not sure if this is a dip with every change or something worse. Does any winner have his doubts or is he so busy trying, that he doesn't look at these obstacles ?
I am tempted to get back to more comfortable waters where my word holds meaning, where I lead with confidence and experience. Here I look for spaces among conversations to open my point but before I sum up the words, the conversation is over, conclusion drawn and I am left with own thoughts and words useless in a matter of seconds. I feel embarrassed inside out for having added nothing but a silent nod to the table. Does this how everybody starts or am I the ugly duckling who is soon to be shot down? I don't know & I can't guess.
Let me take a step back and get back at it. Let me take a shot at it every morning with where I went wrong the evening before till I am not allowed to. Let me accept every meeting with the anxiety of adding value to it till I am not invited anymore. Let me try until I am proved not worthy. Let me know myself better.
Labels: confidence, resistance, struggle
posted by Shiv | 8:37 PM
1 Comments:
Your heart and intuition somehow already know what you truly want to become...and you have been brave to follow them when you had other tempting offers of "stress free" "comfortable waters" life. Sometimes the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "i will try again" also means courage. Just do not loose your enthusiasm...and keep trying
And most important, constantly keep your long term goal in front of your eyes..that 'yes' burning inside of seeing yourself as you want to see yourself 10 years down the line. Would you rather quit now, and do what hundreds of others are doing?
Besides, a safe and secure life is so boring for the young and restless (yes, I mean you here..:D)...lets leave it for ur old age, when you will be a grandpa lulling chintus and chintis to sleep..:)
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