Am I knowing myself better or Am I doubting myself?

I got the job that I was aspiring for & all the brag about being the man of vision, dreaming big of aspiring career and "follow your heart & money will follow" seems to fade away as reality gives a chilling touch to my bare warm feet.

Now, I am feeling I am not cut out for it and all the aspiration to be "this" seems to lose hold on me. I am not sure if this is a dip with every change or something worse. Does any winner have his doubts or is he so busy trying, that he doesn't look at these obstacles ?

I am tempted to get back to more comfortable waters where my word holds meaning, where I lead with confidence and experience. Here I look for spaces among conversations to open my point but before I sum up the words, the conversation is over, conclusion drawn and I am left with own thoughts and words useless in a matter of seconds. I feel embarrassed inside out for having added nothing but a silent nod to the table. Does this how everybody starts or am I the ugly duckling who is soon to be shot down? I don't know & I can't guess.

Let me take a step back and get back at it. Let me take a shot at it every morning with where I went wrong the evening before till I am not allowed to. Let me accept every meeting with the anxiety of adding value to it till I am not invited anymore. Let me try until I am proved not worthy. Let me know myself better.